I told myself I wasn't going to do this again. I wasn't going to fall. I wasn't going to commit. It was time to be free and wild with my relationships. All I need, I told myself, are some really really good friends to make the nights less lonely. And it was going well, for a while...then I met her, I mean really met her. We were friends for a while, hung out and such. But then something happened. It might have been the wine, or our mutual need for connection, or some cosmic alignment...whatever it was, I truly saw her for the first time, felt her for the first time, tasted the sweetness on her lips and knew that I was done for.

My usual anxieties that come with committed, monogamous relationships faded quickly instead of building to a heart breaking crescendo. Not only that, but this thing we have is so healthy. We make plans, and we keep them. She says she'll call me and she does. She lets me treat her like the princess she is and the look in her eyes shows me exactly how she feels about me. I have found my best friend, my companion.

Her son is my hero. Every day I silently thank him for making his mother into the beautiful woman I adore. Every day I silently thank him for sharing her with me and for wanting me there with them. The three musketeers.

So now, only weeks into this relationship. Only a year into knowing this goddess...I am in love. A good love. A healthy love. A love I have been keeping to myself. It's on the tip of my tongue when I say goodbye. When I kiss her good night. When she sings to me with that voice that makes my knees weak and my heart skip a beat. I know she knows, deep down, but the words have yet to spring from my lips.

And now, her clothes are in my dryer. My toothbrush is next to her sink. We're discussing houses and horses, dreams and plans. All of which include the words "we", "our" and "us". She excepts me completely, without judgment. I worship her like the air I breath. But for once, I'm not afraid, it's not too intense, and she has proven that she can take everything I am capable of dishing out. For once, it's easy.

We shared some negative energy last night for the first time. Old memories of relationships passed flashed through my head. Nightmares that had me convinced this was the end played over and over until I was nauseous. There was no yelling, no arguing, barely any sound at all. In the most vulnerable state I have ever found myself in, I poured out to her. Everything I was feeling rushed forth like flood water. Everything except I love you, I had to make this right without playing that card, it wouldn't have been fair. She sat quietly, she listened, and then she gave me exactly what I needed. She opened up, she told me her fears and her concerns, and the past experiences that made the whole situation make perfect sense. So I gave her more. I gave her everything i had to give except those final three words. And for once, for once in my life, that was all there was to it, disaster averted. She let me know everything was ok, that she understood, that I was being too hard on myself. It felt so good. Never has a negative situation come up and actually made me closer to the other person. In fact, I don't think I've ever gone through negativity like that with an immediate positive result on the other side. I'm shocked, and stunned, and completely thrilled.

This beautiful woman has completed my world. She gives me so much everyday. Family, love, laughter, adventure, anything and everything that is good in my world, she has to be a part of. She left my house almost exactly an hour ago, to pick up her son from school. Three lonely hours from now I will be back in her arms...but I just don't know if I can wait that long because she is my angel...and I love her...